How You Can Tell...

How you can tell that the person next to you has not been to synagogue too often?

•    Hey, my book is back to front.
•    Isn’t it impolite to talk when the minister is talking?
•    I get the standing and the sitting bit, but when do we kneel?
•    Does your prayer book have writing in a funny looking alphabet, too?
•    Why do people keep coming in even after the service starts? Didn’t they know what time it starts?
•    Do people always get up and walk out just before the rabbi gives his sermon?
•    This food after the service is really good, but wouldn’t it be better if people waited in line and then only took a little at a time?
•    Hey, I remember this part from ‘Fiddler on the Roof’.
•    Who brings kids to a place like this?
•    You there, slow down, you’re getting ahead of the soloist!
•    Why am I the only guy in the dress circle?
•    You’d think nobody has ever seen a mobile phone.
•    It’s show time! They’re opening the curtains.
•    Pardon me, but you have some string hanging down from your scarf.
•    The boy can’t be more than 12 or 13 - and they let him read?
•    When do they take up the collection?