Jokes

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Jokes

Bernie

While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog.

The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to take over the service and went to talk to Bernie.

“What are doing here with a dog?”

“The dog came here to pray.”

“Oh, come on,” says the Rabbi.

“It’s true,” says Bernie.

“I don’t believe you. You are just fooling around and that’s not a proper thing to do in a synagogue.” “Its really true,” says Bernie.

“OK,” says the Rabbi (thinking he would call Bernie’s bluff), “then show me what the dog can do.”

“OK,” says Bernie nodding to the dog. The dog opens up the barrel under his neck and removes a kippa, a tallit (and puts them on) and prayer book and then starts saying prayers in Hebrew!

The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes.

When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the quality of the praying he says to Bernie. “Do you think your dog would consider going to Rabbinic school?”

Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says, “You talk to him, he wants to be a doctor!”

Finding a Minyan

During Sivan, we don’t say tachanunum (supplications) for twelve days. In the desert of Sinai, each day, one of the twelve leaders of the tribes brought his offering for the dedication of the tabernacle.

During another Sivan, long ago, the Jews of Taipei assembled in their make-shift synagogue at the President Hotel for Shabbat morning service. It was getting late. One of the congregants had to say Kaddish, but we were only nine.

The poor man stared at the door with despair. I heard him moaning “umepene hataenou” (“on account of our sins” he would be unable to say Kaddish). Seeing his despondency and anxiety, I volunteered to go down to the lobby and see if I could find a tenth person for the Minyan.

Mrs. X Goes to Israel

According to our sages, the month of Iyar is when the snake persuaded Eve to eat from the forbidden tree.

I often tried to reconstruct the conversation between the snake and Eve. It must have been a bit hissy, doggy and sneaky. The subsequent conversation between Eve and Adam was sort of rough and not very sociable. But let’s leave Eve and go to my story; about another women and her pet dog.

I met Mrs. X at the airport. (I promised not to reveal her name.) She was having a heated but polite conversation with the El-Al agent. He wouldn’t let her take her dog in the cabin, even if she purchased two first class tickets.